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 More funny stuff :)

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polly
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Number of posts : 39
Age : 39
Registration date : 2007-05-16

PostSubject: More funny stuff :)   Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:12 am

Achmed the dead terrorist - lol!
http://pl.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go

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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

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ratchet

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Number of posts : 14
Registration date : 2007-05-09

PostSubject: Re: More funny stuff :)   Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:10 am

SOME NURSERY RHYMES;


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

The structure of the wall was incorrect

So he won a grand with Claims Direct.



It's Raining, It's Pouring.

Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming.



Jack and Jill went into town

To fetch some chips and sweeties.

He can't keep his heart rate down

And she's got diabetes.




Mary had a little lamb

her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her

between two chunks of bread.




Jack and Jill

went up the hill

to have a little fun.

Jill, the dill,

forgot her pill,

and now they have a son.
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polly
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Female
Number of posts : 39
Age : 39
Registration date : 2007-05-16

PostSubject: Thank You Letter   Fri Feb 27, 2009 5:28 am

This letter was sent to the Lions Bay School Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today



Dear Lions Bay School ,


God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the West Vancouver Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone and I want to thank you for the kindness shown to a forgotten old lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to fuck off.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,

Edna

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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

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Tony Walsh



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Number of posts : 20
Registration date : 2007-06-12

PostSubject: Re: More funny stuff :)   Fri Feb 27, 2009 1:17 pm

keep eating the pancakes afro
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adam

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Number of posts : 4
Age : 40
Registration date : 2008-12-16

PostSubject: Re: More funny stuff :)   Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:33 am

Hi Tony hope u all doig well, theres no diving so far here unless under ice one but not in my semi dry ...... - question for you Tony is there any chance i still could get my nitrox papers from south coast divers?
Otherwise - weather is bad here minus 25 yesterday with a windshield, workwise just about ...... i miss diving in kerry Smile
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Tony Walsh



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Number of posts : 20
Registration date : 2007-06-12

PostSubject: Re: More funny stuff :)   Sun Mar 08, 2009 12:24 pm

Hi Adam Dessie is looking in to nitrox papers at the moment. we had a few inches of snow this tuesday .hope all going well with yee over there. we are heading to Egypt on the 25th of this month. looking foward to this ,bit of nice clear warm diving.Will let you know about nitrox papers as soon as posible . Cheers for now Tony
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polly
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Female
Number of posts : 39
Age : 39
Registration date : 2007-05-16

PostSubject: Re: More funny stuff :)   Fri Apr 03, 2009 3:48 am

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
* 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
* 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
* 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
* 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
* 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
* 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
* 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
* 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
* 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
* 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite
thing!
* 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow --but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The
bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe. For now...

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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

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polly
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Female
Number of posts : 39
Age : 39
Registration date : 2007-05-16

PostSubject: Bad Nurse!   Thu Apr 09, 2009 9:47 am

'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'




'Okay then,' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.




Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Ten minutes later, she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.




'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'




'It's swollen,' Fred replied.

She ran out of the room.

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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

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ratchet

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PostSubject: Re: More funny stuff :)   Sat Apr 11, 2009 3:43 pm

hehehe

Laughing lol!
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polly
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Female
Number of posts : 39
Age : 39
Registration date : 2007-05-16

PostSubject: What would you do?   Thu Apr 30, 2009 4:41 am

A man returns home a day early from a business trip.
It's after midnight.

While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tiptoe into the bedroom.

The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your Patriots season tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.

He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?'

The cabby replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches cold.'

lol!

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